the merits of first times..

I have been horse back riding for 23 years. Leading with that I have to say that, when I was very young, I told my grandfather that I thought I would consider my self 'old' when I could reminisce in such a way.. anyway. I have been horse back riding for 23 years. During that time I have show jumped, galloped like crazy, had to hold on for dear life during fly bites, frights, bad days and wild, uncontrollable runs through forests, beaches and hills. And I have never fallen off. Never, that is, until today. So, as I am quietly on an –admittedly very- difficult white horse, he suddenly decides to pull his head down, take a left, kneel and then kick his back feet up. He had a simple goal. He wanted me off. I didn’t give him the satisfaction at first so for a few brief seconds I was on top of my game and it seemed like I was going to pull it off. Then the stirrup broke off. I lost my footing and – as my teacher put it- I decided it was time to jump ship. So I did. I leaned on the right and jumped off, hitting the ground with my right side and tumbling away as quickly as I could- following said teacher's instructions to ‘get the fuck away from him now’. The point I am trying to make isn’t that there is a first time for everything. That is a well known fact. And it is not that I hurt my ego more than I hurt myself (which is true by the way). What I’m trying to say is that I have never felt more alive. It was such a massive, engulfing adrenaline rush, such as I have never experienced before. I can replay every moment of it in my mind. The horse’s neck going really low, closing in on the ground to the right, his legs kicking up as I fell backwards to keep my balance. My left foot loosing support and then, as a very weird spinning image, the realisation that I, me, am about to fall really badly on the ground. And that fraction of the second I decide that it would be much better for me if I fall on my terms. So I let go of the reigns and flew off, fell, tumbled and got up on one knee, kicking my helmet away and running for the horse at the same time as my instructor, who might have been a bit more scared for me than I was. I told off the horse quite a bit.. I think ‘you bloody idiot’ was the kindest thing I say to him before I jumped back on, just to try and save whatever was left of my control over him. But still, this feeling that I am actually alive, hasn’t left me. And in a strange way, I feel more proud of this fall than I had for my amicable record. Here’s to firsts!