i'm writing here cause this is too much and i can't actually talk to anyone about it.
come to think of it, i can't even talk to blogger about it.
but it's here. and i see it. and it makes no sense but it's deep. and i want to forget it and get out of this loop. cause loops are bad. like two legs are.

who's lover?

κάποιος μου πρότεινε πριν χρόνια να δω τον 'Εραστή της Lady Chatterley'. πρόσφατα βρήκα χρόνο και τον είδα. και τον εραστή και τη λαίδη.
τέσσερα επισόδεια είναι. στο πρώτο μισιούνται, στο δεύτερο γαμιούνται, στο τρίτο αγαπιούνται και στο τελευταίο φεύγουν αγκαλιά στο ηλιοβασίλεμα από το southampton για τον Καναδά σε ένα πλοίο άλα Τιτανικος (μόνο που δε βουλιάζει μάλλον).
ούτε αν μου άρεσε κατάλαβα, ούτε αν δε μου άρεσε.
δηλ οκ. στο πρώτο δεν έχεις άποψη γιατί γνωρίζεις τους χαρακτήρες. αυτόν (κάφρος), αυτήν (άχρωμη), τον αντρα της (μαλάκας και κακομοίρης ταυτόχρονα) την υπηρέτρια (την συμπαθείς ή την αντιπαθεις, ούτε ξέρεις ούτε καταλαβαίνεις). στο δεύτερο σχηματίζεις άποψη για όλους εκτός από την υπηρέτρια. είναι η ίδια που είχες σχηματίσει στο πρώτο μόνο που τώρα είσαι βεβαιος. στο τρίτο περιμένεις να δεις.. θα κάνουν σεξ δε θα κάνουν σεξ (γιατί το δεύτερο παραπέμπει σε τσόντα και περιμένεις κλιμάκωση- δεν έρχεται ποτέ). στο τέταρτο δεν ξέρεις τι να υποθέσεις. αυτή πάει διακοπές, αυτός τρώει ξύλο χωρίς λόγο, ο άντρας της θέλει σώνει και καλά διάδοχο κι ας είναι και του ταχυδρόμου, η υπηρέτρια είναι ή μαζί της ή μαζί του (πάλι δεν καταλαβαίνεις) και στο τέλος ως δια μαγείας αυτή είανι έγκυος, αυτός πάει στον Καναδά και ο άντρας της μένει μαγκούφης, ανάπηρος και κακομοίρης στο κάστρο του καθώς αυτή τρέχει αλλοφρωνούσα προς το καράβι που φεύγει για να πάνε μαζί σε ένα κοινό (και παγωμένο) μέλλον στις αποικίες.. Ρωμαίος και Ιουλιέτα σε ταξικό επίπεδο δηλ. Love conquers all...

Rise to Power.. indeed

Εδώ και λίγους μήνες πολλοί πιστοί φαν των RPG video games αναρωτιούνται το ίδιο πράγμα: ‘να προαγοράσω το Dragonage II: Rise to Power ή θα βγει όσο μούφα βγήκε το expansion του Dragonage:Origins;’. Η απάντηση είναι απλή: ‘εννοείται’. Ακόμα και η τελευταία αμφιβολία διαλύεται με το demo της δεύτερης συνέχειας του περσινού game of the year που διατίθεται δωρεάν από το επίσημό site του. Το Rise To Power έχει μερικές πολύ σημαντικές βελτιώσεις. Πρώτον έχει voice acting. Όσοι έχουν βαρεθεί να παίζουν παιχνίδια που μιλάνε όλοι εκτός από τον χαρακτήρα τους (και όσοι λάτρεψαν το σενάριο του mass effect) πίνουν πλέον νερό στο όνομα της bioware. Δεύτερον έχει πιο καλό χειρισμό της κάμερας και καλύτερο έλεγχο του χαρακτήρα σου στις μάχες. Τρίτον, έχει διατηρήσει το καλύτερο συστατικό του πρώτου παιχνιδιού, τον τρόπο δηλαδή με τον οποίο μπορούσες να δημιουργήσεις από πριν την στρατηγική που ακολουθούσε η ομάδα σου σε διάφορες περιπτώσεις. Όλα αυτά από το demo. Συν του ότι, για πρώτη φορά σε rpg, o κεντρικός χαρακτήρας είναι τέλεια φτιαγμένος από την ομάδα παραγωγής. Σχεδόν δεν θέλεις να ακουμπήσεις τα profile modifications για να μην τον χαλάσεις και στην ανδρική και την γυναικεία μορφή του δηλαδή..
Η 11η Μαρτίου ήρθε και πέρασε, εγώ περιμένω τον ταχυδρόμο να μου φέρει το πακετάκι μου και μέχρι τότε έχω δοκιμάσει όλες τις πιθανές επιλογές του demo και ακόμα δεν ξέρω τι προτιμάω να παίξω...

I Read..

since the new year began i have managed to finish a couple of books.
first, a 'Clash of Kings'. interesting continuation of a marvellously written book, picking up on characters i either loved or hated but still wanted to know how they turned out. i wouldn't go on reading the third book unless a friend urged me to. apparently jamie lannister has some interesting things to say. still, guys, i can never like a guy who did his own bitch of a sister for 15 years..

second, 'Haunted'. slightly sick and greatly disturbing, this novel taught me one thing: Radiohead were right. you do it to yourself, you do..

third, 'Sharpe's Eagle'. like a viper book for war novel lovers. easily digestible and historicaly informing, it has greatly improved my before-bed-time and send me off to sleep with images of go-stuff-it ragged rebels and honourable men. all and all, what you need after a novel like 'Haunted'.

BLAST from my past as a blogger...

With the end of the year drawing near and this probably being my last entry for 2006 I thought I might take an introvert turn and state for reference the things I loved most in the year that we all slowly abandon to oblivion. Not in any order other than the one that comes to mind..

• I loved the 1st day of 2006. Found me steaming and in bed. Given, I had a wild fever. But as they say.. the first year is an omen of how it’ll go.. so steaming in bed sounded nice..
• I loved February. The beginning of a getting over phase long overdue.
• I loved my car. Because it’s bound down broken and hurt and it still loves me enough to crawl. And to that extend, I loved breaking up my car. With a little help of course.
• I loved listening to the best lines I man could come up with. Seriously. The best, most ingenious, most lovable, most ‘how is this not a script?’ lines, in the most improbable moments.
• I loved not waking up at home every Friday. Made Thursdays a special tradition..
• I loved kinky Thursdays.. made Friday mornings less dull.
• I loved concerts and shows and gigs, from famous and infamous and up and coming artists. And the feeling of awe I had with most of them (yes.. including classical).
• I love my band. I love them. And all the shit we’ve been through trying to stand. And still having so much fun it makes it all worthwhile.
• I loved going on an Easter break in Denmark with my best friend. And driving to Ellsinore.. everyone looking at the view would easily think that something should have been rotten in Denmark. Otherwise it’s too fucking gorgeous.
• I love early morning coffees with my best friend. makes me feel alive to make time for us.
• I loved discovering mortality. Trying to make the best out of an impossible situation and discovering how closely pain and love are bound.
• I loved the intelligent, limitless, unbound and un-complexed conversations with a certain individual. Anything from how to pour coffee from a pot without spilling it (and how the laws of physics view it) to nipples and love.
• I loved absolutely loved my summer vacation.. it was the best I had. The best group of the best gorgeous people in the best possible locations.. who could ask for more.
• I loved discovering beautiful sounds and trying to make the world listen to them (that is my job though.. am I allowed to like it so much?)
• I loved meeting amazing, wonderful people through the net and having endless drinks with them.
• I loved being broke for the first time and not caring.
• I loved discovering Dune.
• And last of all.. I loved growing up. I actually dyed my hair.. I did.. they’re turning white they are.. impart wisdom I can now.. may the force be with us..

Things to Do in The Summer

this is the first day of the summer.
when I was young it was a very welcomed day, given the fact that school would soon be out and I would soon be on my way to long and enjoyable vacation.
now, it's the beginning of a three month long ache to my 2 week vacation. but still, things are better in the sun. brighter. light-hearted. beautiful.
I think of the live shows i'll go to- some i'll like, some i'll hate and some will be cancelled of course (i'll probably make up my mind again to go to primavera next year and then fail to find people to go with). i'll plan my summer vacation and then count all my money and decide to sleep on the beach for a day or two. I'll watch old movies in summer cinemas. try to live a weekend in Athens like a tourist. i'll thing of all the things i have no time to do and plan to do them and fail. and when september comes nothing will be different and i will have spent and entire summer doing the same shit i do every year: thinking i can actually change something slowly.
'spent' is the important word of the phrase. i don't lead a life, i spend it's time around. i just hope this summer i can find whatever i need to find in order to keep my body from throwing itself out the window in 5 years time.

Remember

Surprisingly, this title out of a Club Dumas chapter (awesome book. Arturo Perez-Reverte occasionally rules) served as an imperative for me. Since the day I read it I have remembered quite a few things, all surfacing from some deep underground hiding spot.
So I recalled
1. how deeply mesmerized I have always felt by people making flower bouquets. I haven’t been in a florists’ in ages so when I did the other day it struck me like lighting to remember how hypnotized and calm I felt while observing someone slowly putting flowers down a white table, making sure they were the right length, adding some white little decorative plant that I feel only exists to make roses look cuter and then, abruptly cutting me off my daydream by tightly raping a ribbon around them and handing them to me, usually with a smile. I don’t know why. But I feel calm even thinking about it.
2. that my grandmother’s tiny little electric pot (it was round and had a plug and a window to see how the food was cooking. More like a portable oven than a pot) made the best stuffed peppers & tomatoes EVER. It failed when it came to other food, but the stuffed peppers that came out of there were amazing. I recall preferring the peppers to the tomatoes because they weren’t as sweet. And I think I can hear her calling us home from the field to ‘eat while it’s hot’.
3. the smell of humidity and carved stone on my family’s home in the North. It was more like a carved cave, dark and humid and full of old stuff- clay pots, tools and iron coal ovens. it always had the perfect temperature there. Cool if it was hot and hot if it was cold. It served as a hideout, a dareground (like ‘go put your hand in that hole in the wall’) and well, a shower.
4. how absolutely cool it was to have a secret place in my room where I hid my flashlight. I used it to read my books under the covers as part of my revolution. Yes. My revolution was reading detective novels at the age of 10. also, after my parents discovered me and took the light away so that I might get some sleep (and stop going through books faster than a starved bookworm), I remember trying to paint faces in my mind. Much like a crude, primitive photoshop..
5. the time I nearly died in Spain. I was 7 maybe and I decided to jump in at the deep end of the pool. I had my eyes open and I remember enjoying the blue light refractions as I was going down. I can’t tell if I was afraid or not. I think I had no concept of fear back then (unless it was for the unknown). My father got me out. He dipped his big hand in the water and grabbed me as I was slowly sinking. I remember coughing a lot of chlorine tasting water afterward and nodding my head as I promised ‘never to tell mom how stupid I was when they left me alone’. I also remember keeping my promise for 3 days..