tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-48121456321152927422024-02-08T13:50:48.299+02:00The Great Gray<b>This is the Great Gray.
taken from Eyon Parker Gray, Jean Grey, Dorian Gray, Gabriel Gray, Grey skies, Grayscales, Shades of Grey, Greyhound, Lady Charlotte Gray, or Earl Grey and Gray Manor.
or just taken after the fact that it is the only colour created by mixing the all empty & void (black) with the all existent and completely full(white)-
so it is in a sense (or essence) what lies in between everything and nothing.
Just like most of us.</b>marilenahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15977286604838000870noreply@blogger.comBlogger19125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812145632115292742.post-3138554575556414612012-05-28T18:01:00.001+03:002012-05-28T18:01:03.410+03:00<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
i'm writing here cause this is too much and i can't actually talk to anyone about it.<br />
come to think of it, i can't even talk to blogger about it.<br />
but it's here. and i see it. and it makes no sense but it's deep. and i want to forget it and get out of this loop. cause loops are bad. like two legs are.</div>marilenahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15977286604838000870noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812145632115292742.post-41714329330660708062011-03-21T18:49:00.000+02:002011-03-21T18:49:05.214+02:00who's lover?κάποιος μου πρότεινε πριν χρόνια να δω τον 'Εραστή της Lady Chatterley'. πρόσφατα βρήκα χρόνο και τον είδα. και τον εραστή και τη λαίδη.<br />
τέσσερα επισόδεια είναι. στο πρώτο μισιούνται, στο δεύτερο γαμιούνται, στο τρίτο αγαπιούνται και στο τελευταίο φεύγουν αγκαλιά στο ηλιοβασίλεμα από το southampton για τον Καναδά σε ένα πλοίο άλα Τιτανικος (μόνο που δε βουλιάζει μάλλον).<br />
ούτε αν μου άρεσε κατάλαβα, ούτε αν δε μου άρεσε.<br />
δηλ οκ. στο πρώτο δεν έχεις άποψη γιατί γνωρίζεις τους χαρακτήρες. αυτόν (κάφρος), αυτήν (άχρωμη), τον αντρα της (μαλάκας και κακομοίρης ταυτόχρονα) την υπηρέτρια (την συμπαθείς ή την αντιπαθεις, ούτε ξέρεις ούτε καταλαβαίνεις). στο δεύτερο σχηματίζεις άποψη για όλους εκτός από την υπηρέτρια. είναι η ίδια που είχες σχηματίσει στο πρώτο μόνο που τώρα είσαι βεβαιος. στο τρίτο περιμένεις να δεις.. θα κάνουν σεξ δε θα κάνουν σεξ (γιατί το δεύτερο παραπέμπει σε τσόντα και περιμένεις κλιμάκωση- δεν έρχεται ποτέ). στο τέταρτο δεν ξέρεις τι να υποθέσεις. αυτή πάει διακοπές, αυτός τρώει ξύλο χωρίς λόγο, ο άντρας της θέλει σώνει και καλά διάδοχο κι ας είναι και του ταχυδρόμου, η υπηρέτρια είναι ή μαζί της ή μαζί του (πάλι δεν καταλαβαίνεις) και στο τέλος ως δια μαγείας αυτή είανι έγκυος, αυτός πάει στον Καναδά και ο άντρας της μένει μαγκούφης, ανάπηρος και κακομοίρης στο κάστρο του καθώς αυτή τρέχει αλλοφρωνούσα προς το καράβι που φεύγει για να πάνε μαζί σε ένα κοινό (και παγωμένο) μέλλον στις αποικίες.. Ρωμαίος και Ιουλιέτα σε ταξικό επίπεδο δηλ. Love conquers all...marilenahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15977286604838000870noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812145632115292742.post-187503935331861632011-03-14T13:27:00.000+02:002011-03-14T13:27:05.313+02:00Rise to Power.. indeedΕδώ και λίγους μήνες πολλοί πιστοί φαν των RPG video games αναρωτιούνται το ίδιο πράγμα: ‘να προαγοράσω το Dragonage II: Rise to Power ή θα βγει όσο μούφα βγήκε το expansion του Dragonage:Origins;’. Η απάντηση είναι απλή: ‘εννοείται’. Ακόμα και η τελευταία αμφιβολία διαλύεται με το demo της δεύτερης συνέχειας του περσινού game of the year που διατίθεται δωρεάν από το επίσημό site του. Το Rise To Power έχει μερικές πολύ σημαντικές βελτιώσεις. Πρώτον έχει voice acting. Όσοι έχουν βαρεθεί να παίζουν παιχνίδια που μιλάνε όλοι εκτός από τον χαρακτήρα τους (και όσοι λάτρεψαν το σενάριο του mass effect) πίνουν πλέον νερό στο όνομα της bioware. Δεύτερον έχει πιο καλό χειρισμό της κάμερας και καλύτερο έλεγχο του χαρακτήρα σου στις μάχες. Τρίτον, έχει διατηρήσει το καλύτερο συστατικό του πρώτου παιχνιδιού, τον τρόπο δηλαδή με τον οποίο μπορούσες να δημιουργήσεις από πριν την στρατηγική που ακολουθούσε η ομάδα σου σε διάφορες περιπτώσεις. Όλα αυτά από το demo. Συν του ότι, για πρώτη φορά σε rpg, o κεντρικός χαρακτήρας είναι τέλεια φτιαγμένος από την ομάδα παραγωγής. Σχεδόν δεν θέλεις να ακουμπήσεις τα profile modifications για να μην τον χαλάσεις και στην ανδρική και την γυναικεία μορφή του δηλαδή..<br />
Η 11η Μαρτίου ήρθε και πέρασε, εγώ περιμένω τον ταχυδρόμο να μου φέρει το πακετάκι μου και μέχρι τότε έχω δοκιμάσει όλες τις πιθανές επιλογές του demo και ακόμα δεν ξέρω τι προτιμάω να παίξω...marilenahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15977286604838000870noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812145632115292742.post-68557307973891297072011-02-25T17:21:00.000+02:002011-02-25T17:21:24.784+02:00I Read..since the new year began i have managed to finish a couple of books.<br />
first, a 'Clash of Kings'. interesting continuation of a marvellously written book, picking up on characters i either loved or hated but still wanted to know how they turned out. i wouldn't go on reading the third book unless a friend urged me to. apparently jamie lannister has some interesting things to say. still, guys, i can never like a guy who did his own bitch of a sister for 15 years..<br />
<br />
second, 'Haunted'. slightly sick and greatly disturbing, this novel taught me one thing: Radiohead were right. you do it to yourself, you do..<br />
<br />
third, 'Sharpe's Eagle'. like a viper book for war novel lovers. easily digestible and historicaly informing, it has greatly improved my before-bed-time and send me off to sleep with images of go-stuff-it ragged rebels and honourable men. all and all, what you need after a novel like 'Haunted'.marilenahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15977286604838000870noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812145632115292742.post-80836462443269849302010-07-29T16:52:00.000+03:002010-07-29T16:52:56.336+03:00BLAST from my past as a blogger...With the end of the year drawing near and this probably being my last entry for 2006 I thought I might take an introvert turn and state for reference the things I loved most in the year that we all slowly abandon to oblivion. Not in any order other than the one that comes to mind..<br />
<br />
• I loved the 1st day of 2006. Found me steaming and in bed. Given, I had a wild fever. But as they say.. the first year is an omen of how it’ll go.. so steaming in bed sounded nice..<br />
• I loved February. The beginning of a getting over phase long overdue.<br />
• I loved my car. Because it’s bound down broken and hurt and it still loves me enough to crawl. And to that extend, I loved breaking up my car. With a little help of course.<br />
• I loved listening to the best lines I man could come up with. Seriously. The best, most ingenious, most lovable, most ‘how is this not a script?’ lines, in the most improbable moments.<br />
• I loved not waking up at home every Friday. Made Thursdays a special tradition..<br />
• I loved kinky Thursdays.. made Friday mornings less dull.<br />
• I loved concerts and shows and gigs, from famous and infamous and up and coming artists. And the feeling of awe I had with most of them (yes.. including classical).<br />
• I love my band. I love them. And all the shit we’ve been through trying to stand. And still having so much fun it makes it all worthwhile. <br />
• I loved going on an Easter break in Denmark with my best friend. And driving to Ellsinore.. everyone looking at the view would easily think that something should have been rotten in Denmark. Otherwise it’s too fucking gorgeous.<br />
• I love early morning coffees with my best friend. makes me feel alive to make time for us.<br />
• I loved discovering mortality. Trying to make the best out of an impossible situation and discovering how closely pain and love are bound.<br />
• I loved the intelligent, limitless, unbound and un-complexed conversations with a certain individual. Anything from how to pour coffee from a pot without spilling it (and how the laws of physics view it) to nipples and love.<br />
• I loved absolutely loved my summer vacation.. it was the best I had. The best group of the best gorgeous people in the best possible locations.. who could ask for more.<br />
• I loved discovering beautiful sounds and trying to make the world listen to them (that is my job though.. am I allowed to like it so much?)<br />
• I loved meeting amazing, wonderful people through the net and having endless drinks with them.<br />
• I loved being broke for the first time and not caring.<br />
• I loved discovering Dune. <br />
• And last of all.. I loved growing up. I actually dyed my hair.. I did.. they’re turning white they are.. impart wisdom I can now.. may the force be with us..marilenahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15977286604838000870noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812145632115292742.post-89307033432294329782010-06-01T17:06:00.000+03:002010-06-01T17:06:56.865+03:00Things to Do in The Summerthis is the first day of the summer.<br />
when I was young it was a very welcomed day, given the fact that school would soon be out and I would soon be on my way to long and enjoyable vacation. <br />
now, it's the beginning of a three month long ache to my 2 week vacation. but still, things are better in the sun. brighter. light-hearted. beautiful. <br />
I think of the live shows i'll go to- some i'll like, some i'll hate and some will be cancelled of course (i'll probably make up my mind again to go to primavera next year and then fail to find people to go with). i'll plan my summer vacation and then count all my money and decide to sleep on the beach for a day or two. I'll watch old movies in summer cinemas. try to live a weekend in Athens like a tourist. i'll thing of all the things i have no time to do and plan to do them and fail. and when september comes nothing will be different and i will have spent and entire summer doing the same shit i do every year: thinking i can actually change something slowly. <br />
'spent' is the important word of the phrase. i don't lead a life, i spend it's time around. i just hope this summer i can find whatever i need to find in order to keep my body from throwing itself out the window in 5 years time.marilenahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15977286604838000870noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812145632115292742.post-12302522714772830422010-05-04T18:53:00.000+03:002010-05-04T18:53:17.046+03:00RememberSurprisingly, this title out of a Club Dumas chapter (awesome book. Arturo Perez-Reverte occasionally rules) served as an imperative for me. Since the day I read it I have remembered quite a few things, all surfacing from some deep underground hiding spot.<br />
So I recalled <br />
1. how deeply mesmerized I have always felt by people making flower bouquets. I haven’t been in a florists’ in ages so when I did the other day it struck me like lighting to remember how hypnotized and calm I felt while observing someone slowly putting flowers down a white table, making sure they were the right length, adding some white little decorative plant that I feel only exists to make roses look cuter and then, abruptly cutting me off my daydream by tightly raping a ribbon around them and handing them to me, usually with a smile. I don’t know why. But I feel calm even thinking about it.<br />
2. that my grandmother’s tiny little electric pot (it was round and had a plug and a window to see how the food was cooking. More like a portable oven than a pot) made the best stuffed peppers & tomatoes EVER. It failed when it came to other food, but the stuffed peppers that came out of there were amazing. I recall preferring the peppers to the tomatoes because they weren’t as sweet. And I think I can hear her calling us home from the field to ‘eat while it’s hot’.<br />
3. the smell of humidity and carved stone on my family’s home in the North. It was more like a carved cave, dark and humid and full of old stuff- clay pots, tools and iron coal ovens. it always had the perfect temperature there. Cool if it was hot and hot if it was cold. It served as a hideout, a dareground (like ‘go put your hand in that hole in the wall’) and well, a shower. <br />
4. how absolutely cool it was to have a secret place in my room where I hid my flashlight. I used it to read my books under the covers as part of my revolution. Yes. My revolution was reading detective novels at the age of 10. also, after my parents discovered me and took the light away so that I might get some sleep (and stop going through books faster than a starved bookworm), I remember trying to paint faces in my mind. Much like a crude, primitive photoshop..<br />
5. the time I nearly died in Spain. I was 7 maybe and I decided to jump in at the deep end of the pool. I had my eyes open and I remember enjoying the blue light refractions as I was going down. I can’t tell if I was afraid or not. I think I had no concept of fear back then (unless it was for the unknown). My father got me out. He dipped his big hand in the water and grabbed me as I was slowly sinking. I remember coughing a lot of chlorine tasting water afterward and nodding my head as I promised ‘never to tell mom how stupid I was when they left me alone’. I also remember keeping my promise for 3 days..marilenahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15977286604838000870noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812145632115292742.post-53046690825055537932010-05-02T17:17:00.001+03:002010-05-02T17:21:49.850+03:00the merits of first times..I have been horse back riding for 23 years. Leading with that I have to say that, when I was very young, I told my grandfather that I thought I would consider my self 'old' when I could reminisce in such a way.. anyway. I have been horse back riding for 23 years. During that time I have show jumped, galloped like crazy, had to hold on for dear life during fly bites, frights, bad days and wild, uncontrollable runs through forests, beaches and hills. And I have never fallen off. Never, that is, until today. So, as I am quietly on an –admittedly very- difficult white horse, he suddenly decides to pull his head down, take a left, kneel and then kick his back feet up. He had a simple goal. He wanted me off. I didn’t give him the satisfaction at first so for a few brief seconds I was on top of my game and it seemed like I was going to pull it off. Then the stirrup broke off. I lost my footing and – as my teacher put it- I decided it was time to jump ship. So I did. I leaned on the right and jumped off, hitting the ground with my right side and tumbling away as quickly as I could- following said teacher's instructions to ‘get the fuck away from him now’. The point I am trying to make isn’t that there is a first time for everything. That is a well known fact. And it is not that I hurt my ego more than I hurt myself (which is true by the way). What I’m trying to say is that I have never felt more alive. It was such a massive, engulfing adrenaline rush, such as I have never experienced before. I can replay every moment of it in my mind. The horse’s neck going really low, closing in on the ground to the right, his legs kicking up as I fell backwards to keep my balance. My left foot loosing support and then, as a very weird spinning image, the realisation that I, me, am about to fall really badly on the ground. And that fraction of the second I decide that it would be much better for me if I fall on my terms. So I let go of the reigns and flew off, fell, tumbled and got up on one knee, kicking my helmet away and running for the horse at the same time as my instructor, who might have been a bit more scared for me than I was. I told off the horse quite a bit.. I think ‘you bloody idiot’ was the kindest thing I say to him before I jumped back on, just to try and save whatever was left of my control over him. But still, this feeling that I am actually alive, hasn’t left me. And in a strange way, I feel more proud of this fall than I had for my amicable record. Here’s to firsts!marilenahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15977286604838000870noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812145632115292742.post-1652101939921202582010-05-01T15:58:00.001+03:002010-05-01T16:01:30.825+03:00choices choicesit is strange, but sometimes when i wake up in the morning i have the feeling i have already had a full day. i want to rest, relax, get up quietly and make my way to work (where i will spend the next 9-12 hours with my head down and my ear stuck to a tel.receiver like an obedient little member of society) but i can't. cause in those few moments before i open my eyes i have already done all that. i have gone through that daily routine and i have returned to my bed (that sees less and less of me as i grow older). <br />
i guess this probably means that i have been spending too much time doing the same thing. or maybe it means that i have tired of repeating said thing no matter how long i have been doing it.<br />
whichever the case may be the truth remains simple. i want to wake up in my bed. make a pot of coffee -ala cooper style- and slowly go through the day doing things I need done. for me. like, paint the grey patch on my salmon balcony wall. water my plants. read 'kingdom come' with an afternoon coctail. take a long bath- after i fix my bathtub. clean the house. rearrange my bookcase. buy a new bookcase for the books and cds that now occupy the floor in front of my latin notebooks. dust the notebooks. maybe even open them up and remember writing: 'unus aves sedebat' in one of them when i was bored.<br />
can i do these things? or do i need to give up my job to have the time to deal with them? and, oh lord, why? does it feel so satisfactory to accomplish even one of those little trivialities? like in one second, the day has gained substance and meaning, only by putting the muse cd back under 'M' on the rack. <br />
maybe it actually is that simple.marilenahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15977286604838000870noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812145632115292742.post-68686559028906159382010-03-11T02:06:00.000+02:002010-03-11T02:06:49.128+02:00Stretch out.. stretch back insome days (i don't know if they have a specific characteristic or not), i feel like my body can't hold me in. like i am kind of kept inside a strange place without my wanting it. like i am too much for what carries me around (heavy shit). maybe i should think about it a bit more.<br />
i mean... it's only natural for me not to be able to explain it. it is indeed a very strange feeling. and it is coupled with the fact that those same days i want to do EVERYthing.. like i have superexcess energy and i need somewhere to spend it!<br />
maybe, those days, i should cut back on sugar... it could give me a different perspective! and probably save me the trouble of looking deeper into this!marilenahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15977286604838000870noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812145632115292742.post-34189613641445557232010-01-15T14:43:00.000+02:002010-01-15T14:43:15.419+02:00xmas tree lights should be around all yeari accidentally decorated my tree two days before xmas. now it is 20 days after xmas and i still haven't taken the decorations down. <br />
but they look so damned pretty.. and i haven't really had much time to absorb the essence of the holiday yet. i think it would be so much cuter if i just left the lights on. they would give a false sense of celebration and and even falser sense of time off coming my way! <br />
:-) i live for illusions!marilenahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15977286604838000870noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812145632115292742.post-79863949706068360812009-12-23T13:30:00.000+02:002009-12-23T13:30:31.004+02:00the return of the listI have to state at this point that one of my all time favourite books is ‘High Fidelity’ by Nick Hornby. I like it, not only because of the insanely music loving characters (to who I can relate) but also because of the also insane notion of list making that Rob (the central character dude) is fixated upon. Lists are fun.. especially when they move away from the typical (‘rank your favourite batman films’ *) and focus on the practical.. like this one! So with no further ado, I proudly present my plan, on how to spend a week with only 2 euro. <br />
No.. not just ‘any’ week.. xmas week!!<br />
(If you are a girl. Well.. it’s easier, ain’t it?? But let’s – for arguments sake- pretend that there is only one gender. So. You can’t use your boobs (even if they’re big enough) and you can’t ask daddy for more cash. Clear? So you are a genderless person with 2 euro for xmas week.)<br />
<br />
<br />
1. hopefully your car has some petrol left in it. Don’t use it unless you have no other option (like people picking you up, walking, cycling, crawling & begging for mercy etc). if you have a metro card you’re cool. If not you can’t really use the metro more than twice and then you’ll have no money left at all.<br />
2. if you live in the same city as your parents go spend xmas with them. Xmas eve, xmas day and boxing day. There should be enough food left at the end of all these meals for you to take home.. that should probably keep you going for at least 3 more days. So that’s 3+3=6 you’re nearly there.. don’t complain. And yes, you probably DO have things you can cook at home.. don’t be an idiot.. you can eat rice without an assortment of steak. It just is a bit boring..<br />
3. if you are a smoker, bump cigarettes from ANYONE you see smoking.. it’s the only way your 2 euro won’t go to the cheapest, most awful cigarette pack in the market.<br />
4. have friends over for coffee, board games, video games etc.. you’ll have a great time, and you wont need to spend anything. If they want food, they can order take out. And if they need anything else, just tell them you have no money. They are your friends and if one of them is rich you might also get a loan..<br />
5. again.. read books, play video games and watch series on tv (I don’t care if you need to nibble while doing those. You don’t have the money to nibble.. just shut up and have tea. It’s cheap. If you don’t have tea I’m sure you have some left over beverage..<br />
6. if you feel like going out, go for a walk around town. It’s very nice this time of year. You can even buy a beer. There are concerts, shows, little lit up trees and houses. It’s pretty when it’s not freaking freezing!<br />
<br />
<br />
god.. this isn’t even a challenge.. I think I’ll just put the 2 euro in my ‘capitalist piggy bank’ (lately known as ‘the cuba fund’ and try to make it without any cash at all.. <br />
<br />
Merry Christmas to all..<br />
<br />
<br />
* yeah yeah.. i know.. rank the batman films..<br />
Christopher Nolan for ever.. I love Burton, but come on.. we all know the worst was with Clooney, closely followed by the one with Val Kilmer..marilenahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15977286604838000870noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812145632115292742.post-63218482133022237012009-12-14T19:49:00.000+02:002009-12-14T19:49:50.734+02:00of the naming variationI tend to name things. for example, i call my car Prokopis. that comes out of Prokofiev not anything else. i was just thinking what name would fit a 2002 saxo and was working around names like bach, schubert etc. a friend suggested prokofiev (who, by the way, is impossible to listen to if you're not acquainted with music theory) and i called it prokopis instead. <br />
then last week i saw on the street a guy driving a peugeot 206 with the sticker 'little bastard' stuck on the back- Little Bastard of course being what James Dean called his Porsche. yes the one he died in.<br />
a few days later i happened by a car with another sticker 'misery', on the wind shield- yes, the misery from the book with the crazy woman and the writer..<br />
<br />
is it a trend for us to name our cars after so dark and bleak things? (of course another friend calls her car Efterpi - but that's just not good anyway..)marilenahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15977286604838000870noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812145632115292742.post-10868213484366359902009-12-10T18:26:00.000+02:002009-12-10T18:26:52.192+02:00On The Simplicity of Thoughtthoughts need to be simple. if you're bored you're bored, you don't need a reason. if you want to watch a film why explain it further? if you want to go outside and scream why should you try to overanalyse your reasons? sometimes when a feeling is there it should just be accepted. if you love someone do you ask yourself why you do? if you want to see someone does it have to be justified with anything but your desire to see them?<br />
for example today i want to go for a beer and then watch 'dogma' again. is it really that curious? should there be something wrong with me because i prefer it more than a martini on a yaght?<br />
do we maybe, as a people, strain ourselves further by adding to our everyday troubles the notion of conspiracy, cover ups and hidden meanings?<br />
when did the words 'i feel like staying in' start to equal 'i don't want to see you' or 'i am hungry' or 'i am abducted by aliens'? and when did i start sounding like Carrie Bradshaw (someone stop me)<br />
<br />
what i am trying to convey here is a simple thought: 'it doesn't have to be complicated to be real' and in our reality, it really doesn't need to be. does it?marilenahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15977286604838000870noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812145632115292742.post-46128717324261350182009-12-09T14:32:00.000+02:002009-12-09T14:32:39.425+02:00The Exponential Dream TheoryEver since I can remember, my dreams have been strange. I don't mean it the way you think. we all have freakishly strange dreams from time to time. what i mean is that <i>my</i> dreams are weird in general.. by common acceptance.. by everyone i've ever narrated them to.<br />
for example, things are always different but i perceive them to be the same: my family's cabin in the mountains is a completely different cabin in completely different mountains, but every time I dream about it it's the same different place (wow.. you have to appreciate my writing there!!). it has the same weird tree standing by the estate door, the same furniture, the same neighbours and the same strange little path the leads there- none of which exist in real life. when i was younger i dreamt once that aliens came down because they needed my help to save their world and at the end of the dream (they rarely get cut off in the middle) they told me that I could visit them twice more. which I did, a year later and a year after that. my friends are all there- just off the screen- as they look in real life, I have superpowers (I always have the power to fly whenever I want and wherever I am, I just have to run a little and then take slight steps upward until I find a current that takes me as high as I want. like a bird), my brother is always in and out of the picture, my language is always the same kind of telepathic blabber that my subconscious is trying to let out but cant. I understand I speak but when I analyse it I prefer thinking. so all my dream characters think instead of talking and talk only when they are angry.<br />
there is one thing I never manage to do. I seldom manage to ride a horse in my dreams, although, in the really cruel ones I endlessly search for one just to wake up when I find it. I always loved horse riding, so it was something I did often as a child and I can't think of a reason why my subconscious would want to put me through such an ordeal..<br />
other curious instances include replaying the movie I just saw, commercial breaks, end credits and cast notes. and I see all these things in a new light. true. pure and unintentionally sincere. sometimes i have amazing dreams. stories of valiant deeds and heroic acts and battles and pain and running. some others i just see myself relaxing in the comfort of my own home (which is differently the same of course), or i just dream of black. yes. that might win the prize. i dream. black. it's not that i don't remember. it's just black.<br />
last night I saw that I was standing in a pool of light. It was wonderfull. I was just standing in a pool of light waiting for my body to call me back to earth for yet another monday (or is it wednesday..?). and when i woke up, I couldn't shake the feeling that what I left behind, was more of a reality than the one I'm in now.marilenahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15977286604838000870noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812145632115292742.post-39883323105949325632009-12-04T13:51:00.000+02:002009-12-04T13:51:50.925+02:00The Curse of the Neverending Mondaydoes anyone out there feel like the weeks leading up to Xmas consist solely of mondays?<br />
it's like the groundhog day with the added torment that you 'think' you are making progress..marilenahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15977286604838000870noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812145632115292742.post-34834150581037746042009-12-02T18:58:00.001+02:002009-12-02T19:01:05.149+02:00OMG 3d in a row??maybe there is something very wrong with me. consistency was never my strong point (never my weak point either)so i am indeed surprised that for the 3d day in a row i am sitting in front of the small white box of blogger to write something down. <br />
i thought about this during the day.. what to write i mean. and my thoughts varied from favourite coffee flavours (boring), favourite music (soppy), depressed people in the office (you have your own) and paranoid conspiracy theories that travel through the net.. the later is interesting... not the theories themselves (those are way way way too many for anyone to analyse) but the thought that came to my head while i was pressing delete (i don't bother reading them anymore. i know what they're saying: 'the world is a playground and we are guinea pigs', 'everything is done for money and power', 'aliens are experimenting through static', 'starbucks is really not a fair trade company' and 'britney is probably the leader of the revolution that's way they pump her full of drugs'.. oh, and my personal favourite 'obama is the antichrist').<br />
and something came to my mind.. i read somewhere (i'm not even gonna pretend to google it for the correct quote), that the best way to hide the truth is to release it, and then drown it in surrounding, similar lies.. so that the reality is so difficult to distinguish, becoming nearly unbelievable at the same time.. (i think it was Eco in Foucalt's Pendulum). do you think that gives us the right to decide for ourselves which truth is truer to us? or should we spend our days looking into endless info to dig it out?<br />
no. the 'truth'is that the Truth died a long time ago. what is left now is only 'matter of opinion', 'perspective' and some broken fragments of light, too dificult to distinguish and too small to make a difference*.<br />
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* that is, unless you believe Tom Smith who insists that the fragments of love and hope that do shine through the darkness that is life, shine 10 times brighter than normal. but this, again, is only a matter of opinion..marilenahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15977286604838000870noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812145632115292742.post-89163545666453896802009-12-01T19:04:00.002+02:002009-12-01T19:08:47.931+02:00The Importance of XX. really??This morning i did the unthinkable: i opened my eyes (gasp!) it was interesting because i realised in a fraction of a second firstly that my alarm had conveniently forgotten to ring and secondly that the sun was up nice and bright and shinning.. no problems there! but then the rest of the second followed and i had to undergo all the usual humiliation -get up, wash up, dress up, shut up and work- and during the later i suddenly became aware that I had stopped caring for some things. Like for example.. who really gives a shit if I have finished this or that translation correctly? No one but my perfectionist self. Who really cares if I have chased around the people I was supposed to chase with no result (me again) and above all, who really cares if I feel misunderstood, wronged or simply pissed off? (take your time answering this one)<br />
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So I reached the conclusion that all things are as serious or as frail and superficial as we allow them to be. And what some perceive as carelessness and self imposed lack of interest, other perceive as lack of perspective.. so we all do our little dance around meaningless things until one day we wake up late for work on a sunny morning and realize that the phone hasn’t rung, the boss isn’t pissed off yet and you (who left the office at nine in the evening yesterday) have definitely earned a few more moments of relaxation (if such word really exists).<br />
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Don't tell me this has already crossed your mind a few times? <br />
if so, could you remind me what are you really stressing about?marilenahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15977286604838000870noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4812145632115292742.post-74258995937789909862009-11-30T19:50:00.000+02:002009-11-30T19:50:21.415+02:00post, the firstMy Friend Gina said that i have a knack for writing.She doesn't say it often. maybe because usually our conversations revolve around her work, my work, where we should go, what we should do and in general, all those necessary but normal aspects of the everyday life. What's the difference with today's topic? i decided to write down exactly why i woke up feeling like shit.. and she liked it. not me feeling like shit, my writing about it.<br />
so i thought it might be a good chance to use this creative outlet, just to write the crap that is in my head without having to listen to myself saying it out loud. i hate it when i become mediocre (i don't believe that i'm not. i just believe i shouldn't be). so here i am. still at the office at this ungodly hour of 7.41, wondering just when i will be able to leave this place feeling good about myself (could be the day i quit- not that i'm coming to that just yet).<br />
and you know what.. i am starting to think that soon we'll all be working out of our homes..in the begining because it will be easier for us (that's what they'll say. it will be clearly for cost cutting), and later because we'll all be just too godamned bored to lift a finger to walk out our door. everything will be delivered by robots that will freely roam the streets and we'll all have high speed cameras so that we can socialise with our friends from the comfort of our bed.. once a year we might go out for vrouves (because the robots will need maintenance of course).. and it has begun (the staying in part.. not the vrouves part)<br />
so the question is.. where do you stand? behind your door.. or ready to fight against all things that want to keep you down (in, on, after, before or whtvr)??let the revolution begin.marilenahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15977286604838000870noreply@blogger.com2